So as I sit this morning I realize I should start blogging again about my time with Frank. After Bryan had his stroke I found it hard to have time and energy to continue. But I feel it is a therapy I need. So here it goes!
I guess I should start with telling our current update on life. We are now living in my hometown for the second year. We moved from our wonderful place of Tyler to come here for my job. I want to start by saying I love teaching. And I love being near my parents and sister. But that about sums up my love for where we are.
Frank is now in the first grade. So hard to believe. It is wonderful that he is in the same school as I am teaching in and I am able to see him often. He is a wonderful student and doing amazing in school. Not that I ever had doubt he would be. Which I owe a huge part of his success to the teachers he had in Tyler. He loves school and loves learning.
However, the thing that impresses me the most about Frank is that he loves the Lord and is continuing to become a strong brother in Christ. He takes his role of a Christian extremely serious and continues to amaze me daily with his thoughts and his work as a follower and believer. When we moved I have to admit I never thought about the things he would face. I never imagined the experiences he would have to handle at the age of 5 and 6. I grew up here, was born here, so I always imagined it was a wonderful place. But I was naive and didn't see the real picture when I was younger, or it is changed drastically. But my fear is that I was naive. On TV you see small towns as the perfect place and everyone is family. However that is a fairy tale I'm afraid. Frank is seeing first hand that if you are not from here or have money you are not welcome. He is seeing first hand that appearance, status, and materialistic items are what some find important. Bryan and I chose to raise Frank to see people for their inner beauty and what they can be. We chose to teach him not to look at the outside of people. I praise God we did because in this move he has embraced every person he has met with love and deep care. He values everyone and shows them love. I owe a huge thank you to SOBC for this also because this is what we as a family received from them when we first entered their doors.
At dinner each night we as a family sit down for dinner and Frank immediately ask each of us how our day was. And we each take turns talking about our days. Frank never ceases to amaze and sometimes bring Bryan and I to tears over the huge heart he carries in him. He has many times spoke about how someone is treated and how awful it is and how he doesn't understand why everyone can't be friends. He speaks of how he doesn't understand why someone is left out just because they are different. He constantly is wanting to figure out a way to give things to those who do not have something. He wants to invite everyone over for his party because he feels it is mean for someone to be left out. He looks at the world and wonders why God's people are cruel. Bryan and I have to explain the hard lessons that we all sin and some can not see past their own comforts to see others for their beauty. We have to explain that we have to just continue to show love and pray. We have to explain that we still have to love those who are mean, and that are hurting others because they too need God's help. Very hard lessons for a six year old who sees everyone equally.
But of all the things that amaze me about this amazing little boy, this last week has left me with a huge eye opener of just how honored Bryan and I are to be his parents. Over the last several months are family has been dealing with great obstacles that we have not told many. First we found out that Bryan and I can not have anymore children. I think we both knew this deep down but were holding on to hope. Bryan and I both wanted more children and it has been a huge devastation to both of us. It definitely is an even bigger devastation knowing we can not adopt either due to not being wealthy and Bryan having an illness that does not currently have a cure. It brings us to the hard fact that you can have all the love in the world, but sometimes those that would love a child the most have factors that the earthly people don't see fit to have a child. Of course we are extremely grateful God gave us the most amazing little boy. It was hard to explain to Frank that he would never have siblings. I still don't think he fully understands. Then not long after that news we get notice that we make "too" much money and we are going to lose the insurance for Frank and Bryan that we have had. So over that last many months I have called and called, and spoken with dozens of people to find help and try and get them back on their plans. We have had a couple of people who have helped us find sources to questions. But most doors ended with an answer of " I just can not help you" or "I really don't care". I have seen so much of the world for those who are disabled and who can not get the help needed for them. Bryan and I both have been in a place where we truly don't know what we will do and what will happen in our lives in the next year. Bryan can not go without his medications and doctors and we are thankful Frank is healthy and hope he doesn't get sick anytime soon. I of course do not have insurance and haven't in many years due to cost. Frank has heard and seen Bryan and I through this and has been there to comfort us in those hard moments after being on the phone with a rude person who doesn't care. Then Frank informs us the other day that he is going to start a fund raiser selling food to help pay for daddy's medicine. A six year old with a huge heart has gone and thought up a plan to help his dad. I just started crying and was moved. We explained to him that we will worry about this and for him to just worry about being a little boy and have fun. He of course said he really wants to help and he wants daddy to have his medicine. Then the next day I find out he has spoken to one of his friends about it and how he wants to help raise money. My heart is moved completely. I see a six year that has a heart so big and so thoughtful. It makes me so proud as a mother that he doesn't care that he can't get a toy he wants at the store, or that he can't get a chicken leg when we go grocery shopping. He doesn't care that he has to wait to get the Reeboks he has been asking for for 4 months now until we save up enough money. He only cares to help his daddy have the medicine he needs to stay healthy. Wow! I know grown people and have spoken to many over the last few months that do not care about anything other than their own needs.
If I had to pick the thing I am most proud of in my son at this moment I would have to say it would be that he took his Salvation seriously and has chosen to follow what he learns from the Bible and is actually applying it to his life. That he is not looking at his own needs but those of others. He is in a mission field and is at work. He is teaching Bryan and I so many lessons. Yes we are in a hard place and unfortunately this time do not have the friends for support we had during our last hard time close by. But God is over us and is showing us that the three of us together can make it always. We have our families and their love to help us. We went through Bryan's stroke and illness and rehab for many months. We came out stronger and we will do the same through this. Frank has been through alot in his little life watching his daddy go through what he has. And maybe that is why he has the strong foundation he does. But I think it is because God is his center. Bryan and I have taught him from day one God will always be there even if no one else is. Also I feel that he had a wonderful group of teachers at SOBC who helped him grow in his faith. I am ever so grateful God led us to SOBC after Bryan's stroke. They welcomed all three of us and loved us from the first day. They are a special church and we have learned first hand that all churches are not like that. We miss them deeply and the welcome we always felt. We were never outsiders.
I feel that our move is going to make our family stronger and that God does and did have a great purpose in this. However, today is one of many days I have had where I sit and wonder why. I sit and long to be back home in Tyler and be surrounded by acceptance and love. I long for Frank to have his friends and their parents who accepted us for who we were and not what we had. I long for Bryan's friends who loved him before and after his stroke. I long for the church family that took us in and loved all of us and invited us to join their family. SOBC we long to be back in your arms. You hold a spot in us always. I also want to say I am sorry if I ever growing up left someone out because they were new or not from here. I hope I never did and I hope if I did those can forgive me. I see know what that looks like and it is awful. It is wrong and not the way God intended at all.
Frank is teaching me to be a better person. I hope he continues to have his huge heart and the love of all. I hope he always has blinders on to the outside of people and only sees the inside.
Bryan and I love the little man he is becoming each day.
I will start blogging more. I hope everyone takes a little bit of love and inspirations from this entry.
Frank with his car and trophy
Frank and all his fans!
Frank with Poo Paw, Gran Gran and Mommy
Frank and his proud mommy
Frank and Sam(First Place Winner)! 
